Now this is what I call Ultimate Fighting:

The Ultimate Fight – video powered by Metacafe

UPDATE: And this is what I call Ultimate Lameness:

Just goes to show, there is a right and a wrong way to lose an eye in a cheesy martial arts movie. It also goes to show, that it really is funny until somebody loses an eye, and then its just hilarious.

To my friends on the Right:

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and God bless!

To my friends on the Left (and lawyers):

“Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Australia (and America, for my American friends) great. Not to imply that Australia and America are necessarily greater than any other country (nor that America is the the only America in the Western Hemisphere).

And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.”

(h/t seaspook)

A close brush with mayhem for Australia:

I’ve waited till I got to Melbourne to post about this; I wanted to see if it was quite general to the major cities of Australia. It is. What I’m talking about is the way most Australians respect the red light at pedestrian crossings, waiting dutifully for the light to turn green before they’ll cross the road. [..] I have now and again defied this spirit, and I’ve seen a handful of others doing so. But that’s rare, and speaking for myself amongst these anarchists, I’m bound to confess that I’ve felt like a criminal on the few occasions I’ve walked across to the opposite pavement in perfect safety but against the light.

We have a name for people like you, Mr Jaywalker.

Can’t we take a red to mean that you don’t cross in competition with oncoming traffic? Others will perhaps claim that there is statisitical evidence to show that rigid adherence to the rules generates fewer accidents than a more flexible and common-sense interpretation of them. But what are we, merely numbers in a statistical compilation? Can’t I take my fate in my own hands, estimate for myself my chance of getting to the other side without mishap, and go whenever I reckon it’s better than (say) 99 per cent?

No, Norman. Resist those dark urges. Be strong, man!

Where are the larrikins, mavericks, free spirits and rogues on the streets of Brisbane, Adelaide, Sydney, Perth and Melbourne?

Some were gaoled, others exiled to New Zealand, but most were hunted down and run over… But we must not speak of them in front of the children.

Aussie Muslim blogger The Usual Suspect has this quiz for the intellectual Islamists in the audience (which seems to originate from the progressive Muslim blog, Muslim Wake up!). I also enjoyed reading some of her other recent posts on Meat Sheikh Al-Hilaly and what she believes is wrong with the Muslim community, check them out on her blog, Three Lives.

In anticipation of the reestablishment of the Caliphate what better way to
prepare for that coming paradise than with a quick quiz to help one get
acclimated to the new rules?

1. When the Caliphate is established, it will be run by which nationality?
a. Nigerians
b. Pakistanis
c. Saudis
d. Egyptians

2. Under the Caliphate, slave markets will return to what city?
a. Mecca
b. Dar es-Salam
c. Cairo
d. All of the above

3. Under the Caliphate, a woman is free to marry which of the following?
a. any man she chooses
b. any man her father chooses
c. any man her brother chooses
d. any man who offers the most money to the family

4. A woman becoming Caliph will happen when which of the following occurs?
a. hell freezes over
b. the 12th imam returns
c. the 1200th imam returns
d. one week after never

5. During the Caliphate Inauguration, Nancy Ajram will be stoned in what
city?
a. Beirut
b. Tripoli, Libya
c. Tripoli, Lebanon
d. Too close to call

6. During Caliphate Inauguration, Amr Khaled will be where?
a. Los Angeles
b. Las Vegas
c. Jet skiing in Sharm el-Sheik
d. Disneyworld

7. Under the Caliphate, South Asians in the Persian Gulf will be treated
how?
a. like human beings
b. like Africans
c. somewhere between Africans and Jehovah’s Witnesses
d. the same.

8. With respect to Darfur, the Caliphate will do which of the following?
a. not a damn thing
b. not a Goddamned thing
c. a & b
d. b & a

9. Please complete the following: It will take Turkey ____ year(s) to seize
control of the Caliphate.
a. 5
b. 10
c. 0, they already control it
d. However long it takes but there is no way Pakistanis will be allowed to
call the shots. Maybe a Sudanese, but that’s it.

10. Life in a Sharia paradise is
a. totally awesome
b. awesome for women since they can be fully protected
c. like Mardi Gras without the booze, boobs, and music
d. pretty chill but only if you get to wear the black turban, otherwise it
ranks below a root canal in Kinshasa.

The answer key:
1. d
2. d
3. b, c, or d
4. c or d
5. c
6. c
7. c
8. d
9. d
10. a

The breakdown:
If you got 100% correct congrats you are officially Caliphate ready.
80-90% correct you have achieved zealous convert status.
60-70% correct you are licensed to work Jeddah, Dubai and Khartoum
30-50% correct you are kafir scum. Get away from here.
0-20% correct you had better pray brother.

Gees, such cynical partypooperism. Can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, you know. And the Caliphate is going to be like the biggest omelette ever! Its like the eternal breakfast in bed at The Ever-lasting Dawning of the Glorious New Age of Even-Better-Than-Communism-ism. Would suck to get the kitchen gig though.

A friend of mine has put together this Google Earth mashup, together with the guys from the Australian rock band Vespers. The nude Dutch sunbather, the Chinese model of the Indian border, that floating car in Perth – all are in there. The soundtrack is the new song from Vespers, so the video is a bit of a plug for them, but it is actually pretty good song too. And its a great promotion idea, so check it out.

Mr. T explains his new show:

“My show ain’t no Dr Phil, where people sit around crying, ‘What’s wrong with me, Dr Phil? What’s wrong with me, Dr Phil?”‘ said Mr T.

“You are a fool! That’s what’s wrong with you.… My show is the Dr Phil on wheels.”

I totally missed this when it mattered, but the world’s first female space tourist, Anousheh Ansari, was keeping a blog while in space, even posting videos of her experience, which apparently consisted of “flying around hitting walls and dislodging things” and staring out of windows a lot.

She landed this morning in Kazakhstan. (But this is not the Kazakhstan post I was talking about)

Anyway, check out her blog and find out what space smells like. Thank God for velcro, indeed.

Technorati Tags: Anousheh Ansari, space tourist

Beauty contests.

Cambodia bans ‘em.

Brunei unbans ‘em.

But there were no bikinis, no men and no cameras.

Oh. That kind of beauty contest.

UPDATE: See the 2nd announcement here. The bands in the 2nd announcement are:

The Streets
Kasabian
Crystal Method DJs
Justice
Trivium
John Cooper Clarke
Afra & The Incredible Beatbox Band
Lily Allen
Lupe Fiasco
Diplo
John Butler Trio
Something for Kate
You Am I
Little Birdy
The Presets
Bob Evans
The Drones
The Butterfly Effect
[Love] Tattoo
Shapeshifter

UPDATE (3rd Oct, 2006):

The first announcement was released today and quite a few of the rumours panned out, you’ll be joyous to know. Here it is (from official BDO 2007 site):

BIG DAY OUT 2007 will host the heaviest modern metal experience of all, TOOL. After 15 years of breaking, shaking and earthquaking new musical ground, TOOL topped the charts in 2006 with their latest unique melding of art, prog and metal, 10,000 Days. With an unmercifully heavy set that reaches back over a decade to the still staggering Sober, BIG DAY OUT 2007 will feel the earth move under its feet as TOOL rumble and roar into life.

In the summer of 2004, JET wowed BDO audiences with blistering sets showcasing their worldwide smash debut Get Born. Sure, it was only rock‘n’roll, but we liked it! In 2007, JET return to the BIG DAY OUT stage with their new effort, Shine On, a rollicking LP jam-packed with rootsy Delta blues, British hard-rock and Everly Brothers inspired harmonies. Expect a show packing a swaggering rock‘n’roll punch as a new light shines on JET at the BDO.

Direct from outer space, BIG DAY OUT 2007 is thrilled to welcome the most thrilling operatic sci-fi carnival on the face of the earth, MUSE. The fuel powering this prog rock missile from Mars is Black Holes and Revelations, a No.1 album around the world, and a showcase of a band at the top of their game – a game no one else has ever dared dream of playing. In 2007, BIG DAY OUT will be ridiculous, overblown, ambitious and utterly brilliant – all thanks to the one and only MUSE.

In the beginning, there was the BIG DAY OUT. And in the beginning of the BIG DAY OUT, there was VIOLENT FEMMES. Fifteen years after they folk-punked the BIG DAY OUT into existence alongside some little band called Nirvana, VIOLENT FEMMES are back to reclaim what’s rightfully theirs. BIG DAY OUT 2007 will ring to the sounds of the FEMMES classics that have become part of the rock’n’roll fabric: Add it Up. Blister in the Sun. Kiss Off. Gone Daddy Gone. Gimme the Car. American Music… VIOLENT FEMMES at BIG DAY OUT: a rite of passage no self-respecting music fan can miss.

When SCRIBE first stepped up to ask the question “How many dudes do you know flow like this?” in his smash hit Not Many, this young New Zealand rapper was setting out on a crusade to bring a new flavour to the international hip-hop scene. The real deal alternative to gun-toting, bling-laden cash hip-hop, SCRIBE’s powerful stage presence, hard hitting, hook-laden rhymes are irresistible and have inspired all corners of the hip-hop community to wax lyrical.

BIG DAY OUT 2007 is buzzing about the arrival of the best band to come from anywhere, ever – THE KILLERS. The Las Vegas band, led by the “knicker-wettingly debonair” Brandon Flowers, sold 5 million copies of their debut album Hot Fuss, and delivered some of the best singles of the 2000s so far: Mr. Brightside, Somebody Told Me and Smile Like You Mean It. Now comes the new album, Sam’s Town, and a live show renowned for causing mass singalongs and hormonal hysteria. With the coming of THE KILLERS, BIG DAY OUT 2007 is going to be, well, killer.

Everyone’s favourite Fremantle prodigies ESKIMO JOE run away to join the BIG DAY OUT circus this summer with their third album Red Wine and Black Fingernails in tow. With throbbing drums, warm keyboard atmospheres and ethereal guitars, the Eskies are wildly charismatic showmen with sex appeal to boot. Not afraid of a little rock‘n’roll they are not to be missed at BDO 2007.

BIG DAY OUT 2007 gets back in black with the coming of MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Beloved by black-clad music fans everywhere for their incendiary hits I’m Not Okay (I Promise), Helena and The Ghost of You, MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE are set to leave the pretenders choking in their dust with their new, epic concept album The Black Parade. Led by an iconic performer in Gerard Way, MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE will put the pomp and punk pageantry into BIG DAY OUT 2007.

BIG DAY OUT 2007 has a warm, fuzzy feeling now that PEACHES is returning to rub us up the right way. The self-made, self-produced, do-it-yourself leader of the electro punk movement and high priestess of the dirty lyrical classic comes armed with her third album, Impeach My Bush. Having let this Canadian whirlwind have her way with us several times before, it is with a sense of exhilaration and palpable danger that BIG DAY OUT 2007 announces the return of PEACHES.

EVERMORE have come a long way since the initial release of their impressive album debut Dreams; after a phenomenal season of touring on the live circuit, winning hearts in Oz and overseas, the three Hume brothers picked up a swag of awards and found themselves with a multi-platinum selling record. In 2006 EVERMORE have returned with a new album Real Life and we welcome them to the BIG DAY OUT for the first time, to deliver their dynamic rock, melodic harmonies and uplifting lyrics.

Get ready to shake ya ass. SPANK ROCK will bring the party, the rhythms and the raunch to BIG DAY OUT 2007. Hyped by DJs from Freq Nasty to Laurent Garnier, some call SPANK ROCK the figureheads of a sound known as Baltimore Club. We just call ‘em funny, catchy, clever, fearless and most of all, innovative. Representin’ their debut set, YoYoYoYoYo, Baltimore’s SPANK ROCK will be doing fresh, funky and filthy things with hip hop at BIG DAY OUT 2007.

Masters in the business of making music to lift the soul, Perth’s rock‘n’roll genius THE SLEEPY JACKSON return to play the BIG DAY OUT in 2007. With a vision unmatched in modern pop, The Sleepies have the ability to carve out nuggets of pure musical gold; from sublime acid-country to Who-like power pop, they deliver it all. Get ready for songs from their new album Personality: One Was a Spider, One Was a Bird, a heady concoction of sumptuous symphonic beauty, strings and massed choirs included!

Inspiring anticipation, awe and respect all at once, THE HERD has a reputation for fiery, electrifying live shows. With an unconventional line up, THE HERD take to the stage as an eight-piece outfit with three MC’s and two singers. With stage antics that turn the fun up to eleven, THE HERD will get the crowd grooving in flow-motion from the outset. Touring for the first time in 2007, catch them at a BIG DAY OUT near you.

Oozing excitement and an unparalleled energy with everything they do, Melbourne all-girl three-piece THE SPAZZYS bring their brash three-chord power chaos back to the BIG DAY OUT this summer. Since arriving to tear up the scene with their vibrant Ramones-esque punk pop rock, the band has kicked formidable amounts of arse! Don’t miss their red hot performance.

UPDATE (29/8/06): I updated the Wikipedia list below with their recent changes. Scroll down through the comments for more.

Although I have not been to the Big Day Out for a few years now I still habitually check the line-up and keep a look out for the early rumours. Going is always a ‘maybe’ and there is always the chance I may be persuaded into it, for old time’s sake… So far this BDO ‘07 stands as a… definite maybe. The Wikipedia entry for the BDO 2007 has got a list of bands that are currently rumoured or confirmed by band members (no official BDO press releases yet). The only definites so far are Red Hot Chili Peppers and Muse, but there are a few strong rumours. The official BDO site is currently down.

The Wikipedia list (UPDATED 19 Aug):

• Red Hot Chili Peppers are confirmed to be headliners of the 2007 Big Day Out according to blog’s from bassist Michael Balzary aka Flea
  UPDATE: Red Hot Chili Peppers are not headlining – according to the Yahoo Launch the Chilli Peppers are touring Australia later in April instead of the Big Day Out.
• Matthew Bellamy of Muse has said on a Triple J interview that Muse are playing 2007’s BDO as well as touring with Red Hot Chili Peppers. The Herald Sun newspaper also confirmed that the band will be downunder for the Big Day Out
• Tool are hotly rumoured to be heading downunder for this major event. An administrator on the official tool messageboard posted a snippit of information about a possible Australian tour in the new year. This then got taken down by another Tool Administrator.
  UPDATE: Triple J recent confirmed that Tool will be playing two dates in Sydney and Melbourne in January. These dates suggest they could be side shows for the Big Day Out.
• Nick Cave Has been rumoured for an Summer tour of his homeland in early 2007 which looks like Big Day Out
• Legendary solo artist Dean Ward has been rumored to play the 07 big day out. However Speculations have arised that he may not be performing because he claims he is in mourning of his infamous uncle, Jimi Hendrix.
• Foo Fighters said in a recent NME interview that they will be closing the side stage with an acoustic performance with tracks off the second disc of In Your Honor plus some well known favourites. However, this appears to have been put to rest with the announcement of their December theater tour of Australia imminent.
• Legendary Australian act, and Aria Hall of Fame recipients Icehouse look set to play their first ever Big Day Out. Frontman Iva Davies said most of the original lineup would be there, pumping out all the classics and some new rock material, which is sure to please fans.
• Alex Bennett was rumored to play the festival but in a recent Rolling Stone interview said that he is considering pulling out because of his drug addiction.
• Audioslave guitarist Tom Morello stated in an interview the band intends to tour Australia soon, maybe for a big day out.
• Eagles of Death Metal front man Jesse Hughes stated in an interview that the band “Might be coming for the Big Day Out”. This has since been squashed when SonyBMG have said they will be here before years end according to their latest mailout.
• During their Australian tour, The Strokes have made suggestions, in numerous interviews and onstage, that they will be playing the 2007 Big Day Out.
• Triple J presenter Myf Warhurst suggested on jtv-XL (08/08/06) that Bloc Party will be playing the Big Day Out in 2007.
• My Chemical Romance recently stated in an interview that they may play the Big Day Out in support of their forthcoming album.

In addition to the above various sources on the net speculate on the following:

Strong rumours:

• The metal band Trivium
• A Fire Inside who dropped out last year, because they were apparently too busy
• Slipknot side project Stone Sour. Their guitarist Jim Root told Undercover magazine “We’re trying to get on the Big Day Out”, when asked about the possibility of an Australian tour.
• Angels and Airwaves
• Primal Scream have supposedly confirmed they are playing, but I cannot find the source.

Somewhat weaker rumours or possibly wishful thinking:

• Jet
• Augie March
• Lost Prophets
• The Killers
• Guns and Roses, who just finished a European tour
• Less Than Jake
• The orthodox Jewish rapper Matisyahu, who was just here
• The Pixies
• Primus. They played at the 1st Annual Hedgpeth Festival in Twin Lakes in Wisconsin last weekend and where supposed to have their first album since 1999 out this year… but it appears to be delayed?
• Jurassic 5
• The Who (???)
• A reformed Silverchair. They are currently recording a new album.
• The Mars Volta for their third BDO performance?

What amazes me is how many of these band were top acts around 10-15 years ago. Just last month the album top 10 in Australia included Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Tool (I decided to get all three and only Pearl Jam dissapointed). It could have just as well been 1996.

There is enough in there to scrape together a pretty decent line-up, so fingers crossed!

For the non-Aussie readers, the Big Day Out is held in late January, early February, touring the capital cities of Australia and New Zealand.

You can get it while crashing your car through someone’s bedroom, you can get it while winning the Tour de France. As a matter of fact I’ve got it now. (that will probably only make sense to the Aussies)

We all need the occassional feel-good beer story.

A MAN who crashed his car into a sleeping couple’s bedroom allegedly cracked open a beer after freeing himself from his crumpled sedan and declared: “I’m going to jail for sure.”

A 36-year-old man and a 29-year-old woman, asleep in the room, cheated death when the runaway car shunted their bed sideways.
..
They escaped serious injury. The man said: “The crash was bizarre. I’m glad no-one was injured. I am very, very, very lucky.”

Unit owner Danielle Loy agreed the sleeping man was lucky to be alive. “They were sleeping on the other side of the bed, cuddled up,” she said.

“If he had slept like he normally did he’d be dead.”

“They’ve basically just cheated death.”

The couple told Ms Loy the driver had quickly emptied a beer after crashing the car, allegedly saying: “I’d better have another beer, I’m going to jail for sure.”

And he didn’t even offer a cold one to the couple whose sleep he just so rudely interrupted (and who were saved by the beer Gods, obviously)? Hmm, thats just Un-Australian!

Another man who knows the value of beer is the 2006 Tour de France champion, Floyd Landis. Cheers, Floyd, nice one!

UPDATE (28/7): Tsk, tsk, seems beer wasn’t Floyd’s secret weapon after all.